My first competition – unfiltered

Well fitfam, here goes nothing. Are you ready for some fun fiction from fact?
Here’s the raw tale of prepping for my first competition.Fair warning, this will be long winded, I curse a lot and I’m not going to hold back from the nitty gritty.

July 13th 2013

I woke up, a day like any other day. Stand in front of the mirror and look at myself.  Up and down, the one over. I’ve always had an immense hatred for the way my body looked, felt. At this point I wasn’t much aware of my mental state as it never really occurred to me that my mind was the real culprit of hatred for my existence.

I scrolled through Instagram, and stopped on a fitness post I stumbled upon. This was your average “progress” picture you see every day. Left photo was an overweight, depressed and sad woman. To the right the same woman, -100lbs, 2 months after the date listed on the left photo. “She looks amazing” I
thought to myself.

By now most of you know about my struggles with my eating disorder over the years. The morning I saw that image it sparked inspiration so strongly inside of me. I wanted to end my disorder; I wanted to lose weight the right way. The healthy way.

I skimmed through hashtags on Instagram (#fitness – #fitfam – #progress – #weightlossstory etc.) looking at different online coaches, their clients progress pictures they posted, the timeline between their progress photos. I was looking for a needle in a haystack practically. The right coach.

After bouncing over a few Instagram accounts I landed on one that blew me out of the water. The amount of progress photos, Instagram followers, and a promise of seeing results in a short time line.Sold. I sent them an e-mail within seconds and eagerly awaited their reply to take me on as a client. I paid my fees, sent in my current photos, and felt the excitement of getting started a new lease on life for myself.

Soon I had my meal plans for the next four weeks, my workouts, and a list of do’s and don’ts.Prepping my meals like that for the first time was an overwhelming experience. But once all my Tupperware containers were packed I was over the moon to start.

Weeks went by; I was determined to make this count. I paid money for this program; I need to make it count! I lost a total of over 15lbs in four weeks.

165lbs – 150lbs

I made such great progress, I was so proud of myself; I haven’t felt so in control of my body ever.
I decided to stick to it and continue to hit my goal of 130lbs.

Soon I was sponsored by #YMYFIT my coaches Al and Denise encouraged me to try out competing in bikini. I signed up and got to training my ass off (literally speaking).
I became obsessed, not in a good manner.

I refused to touch sugar or processed fat in any sense; I was still purging food on my cheat days because I didn’t want to fall back in my progress. God forbid I ever miss a work out. I worked out 7 days a week, sometimes up to 2-3 times a day. I was turning into an absolute addict.

Please note this had nothing to do with my coaches encouraging me to proceed in this manner. This was of my own discretion. I was naïve to how much I was truly hurting myself by over doing things completely.


The months went by, I became sick 1.5 months out from my first competition. I wasn’t going to let me being sick stop me from my goals. I pushed harder than I ever have. Fighting a fever, coughing disgusting fluids out from my lungs. I still worked out 3-4 hours a day, eating less than what I was burning up.

Pneumonia had finally struck me, I couldn’t move, barely breathing normally, dripping sweat while sitting still. This was the sickest I had ever been in my entire life. 2 weeks off completely from the gym, I ate barely anything. I woke up one morning, sick as a dog and weighed myself. Little to my surprise.. 130lbs. I hit my goal weight.


Looking at this photo now makes me almost as ill as I was that day. The fact that I was so sick, I threw on a bikini to take this selfie to show how proud I was to have hit this stupid fucking number. This – people – is what body distortion and eating disorders looks like.
Not only was I physically sick, but mentally. CLEARLY.

Surprisingly I somehow recovered from pneumonia and continued on my path to walking the stage. More 3-4 hours of working out a day, running without eating, stuffing my throat with bits of spinach and boiled chicken. All the fucking egg whites – yeck.

sooooooo fucking happy – insert eye roll here

My weight continued to drop with the endless amounts of cardio and non-existent diet I was pursuing so religiously. 127lbs, 125lbs, 120lbs, 115lbs… I weighed less than I did when I was in grade 7. So proud of myself.

Look at that rib cage! You go Glenn co-co! 

Don’t get me wrong. I have the upmost respect for competitors and all they do in order to get their stage package ready. In saying this the way I went about my prep was completely and entirely irresponsible. Advice that I was given was “the worse you feel the better you look” – uhhhhhhh, what the fuck. BYE FELIPE.

The big day was finally here. Time to do my thing and show off what I worked so hard for.
I had brownies and oreos within reaching distance for as soon as I got off that stage. I think I was looking more forward to cookies than anything else in all honesty.

Dreaming of stuffing my goddamn face. 

I placed 14th – I was just happy to be able to down a bottle of water and dip into the good shit. Rewarding experience, absolutely. But I went into this competition with the wrong frame of mind.

I had one bite of that burger and nearly died. I later went home and ate a tub of watermelon and passed out smelling like a tanning salon that had a baby with a sweaty pig.

Was it worth it? Yes – but only because of the valuable lessons it taught me about how fucked up my mind really was towards my body.

Would you do it again? Absolutely – but only taking the appropriate approach to dieting down and exercising like a normal human being.

I made a lot of amazing friends, connections and learning curves. All of them have made me the person I am today one way or another.

My advice to first time competitors:

– Do your proper research on which association to compete in
– Prepare yourself to pull your financial riches out of your ass
– Always listen to your body, if you’re not feeling well, back the fuck down
– EAT PROPERLY – don’t starve yourself for the love of god
– Have the proper mind set and reasons to compete
– Have fun and enjoy the ride

Have a great week lovelies.


2 thoughts on “My first competition – unfiltered

  1. Toast&Tulips says:

    I’ve been following you on IG since you began your prep. I’m so glad you posted this. A few years back I used to be quite toned and that was thanks to my ex boyfriend who would outright judge me if I even took a bite of something sugary or unhealthy. Don’t get me wrong I was very disciplined, but now, I have found that balance with food. I also struggle with Bulimia and it’s getting better. Last year it was pretty bad. I’m continuing to go to the gym but it’s not my main focus anymore to be “aesthetically pleasing” for someone else.
    I never intend on competing or anything but from following so many fitness gurus on IG over the years I applaud your hard work! I just don’t think it’s worth it, psychologically. And honestly chicken breast with rice and vegetables gets quite fucking boring after a while. Now I’m a great cook because I got tired of eating that shit just to look “good”.


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